How to tell someone you love them?

+74 votes
asked Aug 11, 2019 in Relationships by BQDNam522962 (270 points)
edited Aug 12, 2019
I’ve been dating a guy for around four months now, and I’m pretty sure that I’m in love with him…but I’m too scared to say anything! I desperately want him to know how I feel, but I’m worried I’ll scare him off. We haven’t really talked about where the relationship is going or anything like that, but I think things are going really well and moving forward. I’m ready to take our relationship to the next level, but I don’t know how to tell whether or not he is. How to tell someone you love them? And how do you do it without it exploding in your face?

3 Answers

+25 votes
answered Aug 11, 2019 by ChelseyW4688 (490 points)
edited Aug 12, 2019
You’re “pretty sure” that you’re in love with him…that doesn’t sound overly convincing to me. Maybe you should sort out your own feelings before you start trying to sort out his? After all, there’s nothing worse than telling someone you love them and then realizing that maybe you just liked them a lot…
+3 votes
answered Aug 11, 2019 by Lorena250149 (220 points)
edited Aug 12, 2019

I think it’s great that you want to take that next step, but I think you’re right to be cautious. People scare easily, so saying “I love you” too early on could freak them out and send them running for the hills. On the flip side, if you act aloof for too long, then they’re going to think you’re just not that into them and they might decide to break things off. So, how to tell someone you love them? And how do you decide when they’re ready to hear it?

Good advice comes from one of the authors of Mens Fitness, Clare Austen. She recommends knowing a fair few facts about the person first (it’s hard to genuinely be in love with someone if you don’t know their middle name and what their family dynamics are like) and then not over thinking the situation. The majority of people care more about sincerity than they do any elaborate, overblown way of saying it.

In terms of how soon is too soon, the evidence is confusing. One study says that men are typically ready to say “I love you” six weeks before women, whilst another says that men find these three words harder to process than women.

In summary: We’re all freaked out about being the one who says it first. Just be brave and say it!

+3 votes
answered Aug 13, 2019 by ChelseyW4688 (490 points)
edited Aug 14, 2019
I agree with the first answer, do some soul searching and figure out your own feelings before you say anything (make sure it’s love, not just friendship or lust). Also, be aware of the fact you’ll probably go through a period of infatuation where you think your partner is the best thing since sliced bread – this isn’t necessarily love either. When you’re sure, look your boyfriend in the eyes when you say it (shows sincerity) and pick your moment (I wouldn’t recommend dropping “the L-bomb” for the first time whilst sitting around the table with his family for Sunday dinner). Perhaps most importantly, say it without expecting your boyfriend to say it back. You don’t want to look all desperate and hopeful, only to look crushed when he awkwardly says “thanks”, in reply. Let him know this is how you feel and you just wanted him to know that. No pressure.
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