Why am i still single?

Question

I just turned 30, and still single. Watching most of my friends get married and the type of happy marriages they have, although I do not envy them, I do have some regrets. I keep lots of male friends, and have regular dates, but I'm not attracted to any of them. I keep wondering what could be wrong with me and why I'm still single…

Answer 1

As most people, your problem may be caused by certain inner challenges we are all facing. Your situation was not clearly staged, but I believe the analysis given below can be of great help to understand why you are still single.

Openness plays a very important role in every relationship, inasmuch as the factors listed below can make us open as we become older. Live an open life and do away with your fear.

• Defenses. Most people have experienced heartbreaks in their relationships. We are always at the risk of experiencing certain levels of bitterness following the painful experiences we have had over time. Such adaptations can make us more closed off and self-defensive. When we become adults, we may write people off easily and resist excess vulnerability.
• Low self-esteem. We all have very vital inner voices that keep telling us we are too ugly, too old, too fat, or too different. Listening to these voices will often make us behave in ways that will make people avoid us. Lack of adequate self-esteem keep people from following their hearts.
• Fear of competition. Without the right self-esteem, one will always fear competition. Most times we fail to put ourselves forward in pursuit of the person we dream to be with due to fear of competition. People easily back out once they find out someone else is interested in the person they have been admiring. They fear losing out to their competitor or hurting their competitor if they eventually win. But most times when we are daring enough to put our fears behind us and go all out to get what we want, the end often justifies the means.
• Isolation and routine. People tend to retreat more into their comfort zones with age. Resisting to fall into our comfort zone and repeatedly challenging the influence our inner voice has on us is of utmost importance. Get out of your comfort zone by doing new things. Smile more and make more new friends.
• Making rules. As the years go by, we find ways to develop our own rulebooks concerning our relationships. We often pen down what we have learnt, but the truth remains that what works in real life are not necessarily what looks good in paper. When our past influences the rules we live by, we often end up creating a continuous cycle of frustrating relationships. When it comes to dating, don't make fixed rules and don't buy into the rules made by others.

Answer 2

Valuing the people who value you is perhaps the best solution to an ailing love life.

It is not only a problem for women, it’s also true for men. Most successful people like lawyers and doctors you find out there can't seem to find the type of women that suit their tastes. You often see such men still single at 38.

I'm bringing this up because I decided to find myself one amazing partner and create an amazing life for myself, and it was all about giving up my mentality of finding a woman who is exactly like me. And I successfully did it. My wife is the coolest person in the world.

If this has been your pattern of dating for 5-20 years, you have obviously been missing some vital points. It is time to change your mind.

And you might have been overestimating yourself. If you often get men you consider lower than your class and taste, it may possible mean that you have been overrating yourself. The type for man you attract is possibly the type of person you have always been. All you need is a man you share the same values and ideas with, a man who can be your best friend for life.

The major culprit in the whole thing is that we have been nursing very unrealistic dreams and expectations about the way we see ourselves and the values we expect to see in others.

Answer 3

I think it is impossible to settle for anything less if you know what a real connection feels like. Love just happens whenever it is meant to happen to us. I believe love will come to you someday, so do not get yourself all worried about being single all your life!

Comments

I agree! I think when people stopped worrying about “why am I still single”, they would find the one.